No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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