idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
