you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
