I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
