once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize