my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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