Acid is not a monday night drug
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
