after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
