I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize