Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
