If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
