I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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