Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So squirting runs in the family.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize