Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
