I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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