why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
