u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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