Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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