Got a toothbrush?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize