Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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