My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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