omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I love you. Go after that dick
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
