I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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