so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
