Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
