I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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