So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Floor bacon is actually really good
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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