It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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