My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
