i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
