i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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