I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
