these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
