I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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