My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
