my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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