Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
