I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
