what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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