oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
