She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize