is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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