Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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