Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I would ride that face into the sunset
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
