my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
