I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What a dumb baby whore.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
