i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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