I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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