SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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