bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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