M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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