just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
