I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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