He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
