Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
