He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
