she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
