Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize