Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
