I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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