you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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