I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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