I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
