I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we're making bets on your personal life
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
