girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
