I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
