Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
