This girl is more easily done than said...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
