Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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