my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
