Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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