I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize