I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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